


Hidden Away

by CagedNightingale



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Philinda - Freeform, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 22:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1794751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CagedNightingale/pseuds/CagedNightingale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson finally understands that Melinda May has feelings for him (With a little help from Stark Industries new science team), and decides to act.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden Away

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was totally inspired, and is therefore based on, by the beautiful "Hidden Away" by Josh Groban. I think it fits Philinda so perfectly, and I had to write something about it, please go listen to it, because it's totally worth it! The lyrics are the red thread that connects it all together, and they become probably more meaningful towards the end.  
> It is based after the first season of the show, so it's spoilery if you haven't watched it yet!
> 
> A huge Thank you, to my beta - NessNessquik on Tumblr, for her help and advices :D Thank you! :*

 

 

_Over mountains and sky blue seas_

_On great circles will you watch for me?_

_The sweetest feeling I’ve got inside_

_I just can’t wait to get lost in your eyes_

It had been again too close. Too damn close. He couldn’t bear it anymore.

Maybe he couldn’t control this patterns around him as well as he thought he could, or maybe he was really becoming rusty and all the months of paperwork he had behind his back, had also taken their toll on his fighting skills. He kept the snort at bay, he was the Director after all, and all the Op. team was there. He needed to keep his emotions under control.

“Here you go, Agent May! Good as new!” Agent Cien said once she finished patching up May, and Coulson turned his eyes to the couple.

May thanked the young lady with a nod and walked to seat right across  him.

Coulson knew his eyes were betraying his guiltiness, and he saw her shaking her head slightly, in silence.

“I can’t believe you got shot, Agent May!” Scott said pointing to the cotton pad on her shoulder.

The young specialist was training with May, and he basically worshipped her.

“I’m not perfect, Scott. I get injured on the field too. I make mistakes” May told matter of factly, without flinching.

“I’m sure it was only one timer” Scott added nodding.

But it hadn’t been a mistake, the young recruit was right, May never made any. She got shot because the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D himself, had not been on top of his game, and she was still looking after him.

Coulson had been distracted by something moving out of  the corner of his eyes, and had not seen the guy shooting right in front of him, not until his back hit the floor, May on top of him firing only one shot to kill the attacker. Her shoulder had caught the bullet. To protect him.

She had been there and had had his back for so long. She never stopped.

He hadn’t had the chance to thank her for saving his life, all the team had found them within seconds, and May had come up with a story to cover the accident.

Director Coulson had to be perfect, the new agents needed to believe he was flawless, just like Coulson, May, Hill and everybody else believed Fury was, when they were young recruits.

He was untouchable, he was the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Coulson could not become the crazy alien-pattern-seeing man, or the newborn agency would just crumble on his new, fragile bones.

Still, he couldn’t wait to be alone with her, to thank her, to beg forgiveness for the stupid mistake that got her shot. He needed to talk to her.

“How long till we reach the base?” he asked leaning to the front.

Aaron Bailey was the best ground-driver the new S.H.I.E.L.D had, and if the Director told him to speed up, they could be at the headquarter in no time.

“15 minutes sir, I can make them 7 if you ask me” he replied with a smirk.

“Consider yourself asked”

“Buckle up sweeties!” Bailey replied happily while speeding up and turning suddenly to the right.

May shot “the look” at Coulson; the “you didn’t really needed to do that” look. But he just couldn’t wait, he needed to thank her, to talk to her, to be alone with her.

He had been thinking about it since he realized she had been shot in his stance, he had been thinking about how much she had given him, how much she put herself on the line for him. And it went beyond T.A.H.I.T.I , Hydra, and the new S.H.I.E.L.D. It was the certainty that she was there. She had always been there and she will always be there.

Phillip Coulson was not as sure about the sun coming up every morning as he was sure Melinda May was always going to be there for him.

 

Why the hell was he now feeling nervous and happy at the same time, anyway?

 

_And all these words that you meant to say_

_Held in silence day after day_

_Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave_

_Please don’t keep them hidden away_

Phil Coulson was always happy to have his Avengers friends around, even if they had come all suited up to pitch to the new agency some super cool defense software and research mechanism Stark Industries had developed. Every collaboration since the new S.H.I.E.L.D had been formed, had to be formal.

There was the need to have a pitch, and some discussions about the whatever it was, and tons of paperwork, since they were still under strict control of the Government, and had to play by its book, until they had enough credibility to speed things up.

So here they were: Banner, Stark, Potts and Hill on one side of the conference hall, ready to make a presentation about the whatever - really he didn’t even know how to pronounce that thing’s name - and on the other side Skye and FitzSimmons, which seemed very excited and very interested, about everything. He needed to be there because he was the director, when  in reality when it came to Bruce Banner and Tony Stark, he would have adopted whatever they would come up with, anyway.

 

He was about to fall asleep  five minutes in the presentation, when Pepper, bless her, stood up from her chair and went sitting next to him.

“Why don’t we go outside and grab a coffee?” she asked him with a smile.

Coulson smiled back gratefully: “I thought they’d need us here?” he whispered back.

“They will only need us afterwards, to sign the papers… Maria and Bruce can keep the situation under control, and I have the feeling they’ll be stuck to talk about Science for the rest of the day” she smiled standing up and motioning him to follow her.

Then, she gestured to Hill, that nodded in response and kept playing Candy Crush on her Ipad.

 

Coulson was feeling completely awake, by the time the first sip of coffee reached his tongue.

“So, how does it feel to be Director?” Pepper asked with a smile leaning against the counter, with her cup of coffee firmly clutched in her hands.

“It’s overwhelming, at his best” he replied, smiling too. Pepper had always been a pleasure to talk to, she was smart and polite, and friendly “Sometimes I had doubts I would make it, but here we are. We also have offices!” he chuckled before taking another sip of coffee.

“It’s so great to have you back, Phil… seriously. Tony is overjoyed” she chuckled “but he won’t ever admit it, so let’s keep it between us” she nodded.

Phil smiled, focusing on the coffee.

“What about Audrey?” Pepper asked then “does she know you’re alive? You’re getting quite the media attention as new Director” she asked.

Coulson nodded: “Yes, I went to see her, and talked to her...and we decided it’s for the best if we just go our separate ways”

Pepper nodded knowingly: “Yes, I figured something changed between you and her when we had the Operation Zombie, party” she shook her head “and it’s an awful…”

“An awful name… I know” Coulson ended the sentence for her “you figured?” he asked.

There hadn’t really been any talk about Audrey that night, how could have Pepper possibly…

She smirked “Oh, I have seen the looks you and Melinda shoot at each other” she whispered “there’s something there, isn’t it?” she asked.

The man widened his eyes: “What?” he asked “no...there’s nothing between me and Agent May...and since when you and her are on first name basis?” he blabbed, hating the blush he could feel creep up his cheeks.

Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries, the lady for whom Tony Stark had dropped his messy life, to get ‘settled’ (well, in the way Tony Stark, would anyway) laughed so loud three agents walking past the coffee room stopped to look at them for a second, before walking away, confused.

“Phil, I can call Natasha Romanoff with a pet name, who do you think we spend our girl’s night with?” she giggled.

“You go out with May?” Coulson was genuinely surprised, Melinda had a night off once a week, but he had no idea she was spending it with Pepper and Romanoff.

Plus, it was a good subject to deviate the talk from his feeling for May.

Because there weren’t any.

Nope.

 

They were interrupted by Maria, Tony and Bruce, getting inside the room for some coffees.

“I let you be alone with Pep only because I trust you, AC” Tony announced entering the room “I hope you have good coffee here” he added.

Bruce shook his head: “We are taking a break, your guys are killing us with questions, where did you find them? I think they’re too smart for their own good!”

Coulson laughed “Oh, you have no idea, Bruce”.

“Mr. Stark would you please stop rummaging?” Maria called exasperatedly to Tony that was opening and closing all the cupboard doors.

“I can’t I’m on a mission to find cookies, AC where do you have the cookies?” he asked.

“Why are you calling me AC?” Coulson asked back while opening a drawer and giving him a box of digestive cookies.

“Agent Skye told him” Banner replied, feeling sorry for Coulson.

“Of course she did” Phil added resigned.

“You know what?” Tony interrupted them “We should all have dinner next weekend! At our place!” he said “I’m gonna call, Thor and Jane, and Romanoff and Barton, and you can bring May along” Tony looked at Coulson.

“May?” he asked

“Yeah, you’re dating her, aren’t you?” Tony mumbled while chewing half cookie.

“No, I am not.”

Tony almost choked: “What? Why not? You like her, she adores you...come on!”

“I don’t…” Coulson started but couldn’t go through.

Maria Hill was daring him with a stare, and everybody else in the room was giving him the “you’re in denial” look.

“Of course I like her, she’s my friend and colleague, but it’s not like you think, she doesn’t like me…at least not in that way...and I’m absolutely cert...” Coulson was interrupted by the faces everyone, literally everyone in the room.

“Phil, she adores you” Maria said looking at him.

“I agree, with Maria” Pepper chimed nodding over the cup of coffee she was still sipping.

Bruce and Tony smiled at the guy: “Oh she does” Banner replied to the silent question written in Coulson’s eyes.

“Come on, AC! You can’t tell me you haven’t notice how she looks at you? Damn not even Pepper looks at me like that!” Tony blurted, making Pepper laughs.

“What? No, you’re wrong” Coulson shook his head.

“Are we?” Bruce Banner smiled at him knowingly.

Coulson nodded, feeling his whole face red.

Tony shook his head: “Well, you are the S.H.I.E.L.D director after all, aren’t you?” he asked “So why don’t you investigate on this matter and then you let us know?” he winked before leaving the room, followed by a smiling Banner.

Maria and Pepper were still looking at him, knowingly.

“Seriously Phil...just try to keep your eyes open a little bit” Maria said before leaving, following the two scientists.

Left alone with Pepper, he looked at her, feeling a little bit lost.

“There’s nothing wrong with moving on, with having feelings for a coworker...I should know!” she laughed “I think you know the truth, and you’re just desperately trying to deny it, for some weird reason inside your head, and trust me, it’s always better to face things with someone who’s there for you.”

Coulson looked at Pepper, before turning the gaze to the coffee cup he was still holding.

“She’s always been there for me” he said “always.”

“I think it’s because she cares about you, a lot.” Pepper added, smiling when Coulson looked at her almost in shock. “Yes, she told me that…” she whispered.

“I’ll go making some phone calls, if you don’t mind, I’ll see you inside the conference room”

Pepper Potts put the coffee mug she had been using in the dishwasher and left the break room, leaving Director Coulson with his thoughts.

  


_Sing it out so I can finally breathe in,_

_I can take in all you say_

_Holding out for something i believe in_

_All I really need today_

_I want to free your heart_

_I want to see your heart_

_Please don’t keep your heart hidden away_

 

He had to admit it: once the bug had been put in his ear, lots of things started to make sense. How on earth could he had been so blinded? It was pretty clear, right? I mean...if even Bruce Banner had seen it, it had to be clear. But no, Phil Coulson the Director of the New S.H.I.E.L.D, was completely clueless.

It had taken Banner, Stark, Potts and Maria Hill to make him see what was going on between him and May, and giving him the motivation to go through with what he was feeling, but mostly with what she was feeling.

Could it really be that she loved him? It was such a  surreal thought, it felt difficult for Coulson to wrap his head around it.

The week after the Stark Industry visit, though, he started to pay attention to the way Melinda May was acting around him. He started to see longing looks, and lingering touches. Things that had always been there, but that he never noticed. He started to re-analyze all their past, all the looks and the words, and the touch...the familiarity between them, they’d always been so close.

He had always felt so secure around her, so confident. And she was beautiful. Not only her body and her features; she was wild, and fierce, and loyal. Dangerous and gracious, like a tiger. Deadly and sweet at the same time. So many contrasting opposites, that made her incredible.

By the end of the week, Coulson was convinced that Melinda May was feeling something for him, but was he feeling something for her?

  


_You’re a wonder, how bright you shine_

_A flickering candle in a short lifetime_

_A secret dreamer that never shows_

_If no one sees you then nobody knows_

  
  


The answer to his question, came when two weeks after the visit of his friends and 14 days of deep-thinking about his relationship with May, he found himself in the small training room they had managed to build into their own offices.

He and Fitz were having a patrol to check the new surveillance system in the office building, and May was in the room, training Scott.

The couple was being observed and filmed by Bailey, that with a grin was commenting on how many hits, the young specialist had already missed.

“You’re never going to beat Agent May, Scott!” Aaron mocked him, while the two specialist were looping around the mats, each waiting for the other to make the first move, to attack.

Coulson was looking at May, completely stunned. She was different than usual, she wasn’t wearing her usual training uniform, she only had a pair of black tight-fitting shorts and and tank top, and her hair was loose. Why was her hair loose? Why the shorts?

He gulped silently while his eyes roamed from her legs to her head, feeling warmer all of a sudden.

Then she moved, and it was so fast, he was sure Agent Scott didn’t really understood what was going on until he found himself on the mat, completely restrained by her, without any chance to move and get away.

Melinda May moved her arms, taking off an imaginary gun from behind her back and shot Scott in the head.

“Bang” she said mimicking the shot. Bailey whistled amazed and Coulson smiled.

She let the specialist go, standing up again and they went for another round immediately.

Scott attacked her furiously, throwing a punch she easily avoided squatting down, and throwing her leg against the one of the man. He jumped, avoiding it, and Melinda rose up again waiting him with a punch, as soon as he landed.

They kept on fighting, and Coulson was just watching her, completely taken aback.

He knew her, he knew how she fought...but this was, incredible.

No matter how Scott attacked her, no matter how many times he tried to take her by surprise. He was always missing, and it wasn’t because he didn’t know how to fight; The guy had beaten up Triplett a couple of times, and he was an excellent fighter. But Melinda was just...lethal.

Melinda May had improved her fighting skills. He had no idea how could she get any better than she already was, but she did.

It was like she had superpowers or something, it was beautiful.

“Woah… Agent May is incredible” Fitz murmured, dismayed.

Bailey approached them: “She really is the best weapon we have” he nodded while still recording the fight.

“Why do you have a camera?” Coulson asked him.

“Agent Skye told us to record some of the session for the promotional videos, she’s making for the new Agency, Sir”

Phil nodded, wondering if the videos were the explanation to why May was dressed differently and with her hair down.

He shouldn’t feel like that, he shouldn’t think she was extremely beautiful. But he did. And yes, for goodness’s sake, he loved her. He wanted her. She was the best thing to ever happen to him, and he loved her. He loved her so much.

Phil Coulson looked at his own feet, while biting his cheek. Damn. If all that was needed to clear his doubts about his feelings for her was seeing her fight, he could have spared himself 14 days of agony.

He loved her, and now it felt as clear as day.

“WOAH!” Fitz and Bailey screamed at the unison and Coulson looked up again. May had just sent Scott flying to the wall-mat right in front of her, and was helping him up.

“I think it’s enough for today, Scott” she told him with a smirk.

“Yeah, I’ve definitely had enough. Thank you Agent May” he said reaching for his water bottle and his towel.

May pushed her hair out of her face and realized Phil and Fitz were there.

She grabbed her towel and her water bottle and got close to them, making Coulson suddenly a little bit nervous.

“Did you enjoy the spar?” she asked with another smirk that sent Coulson into a meltdown.

He was barely hearing the cascade of compliments Fitz and Bailey were pouring on May.

“Agent May” he stopped them suddenly “Can I see you in my office in 30 minutes?” he asked suddenly looking at her “I need to talk to you about something” he added looking at her in the eyes.

What was he even doing? He didn’t had to tell her anything!

He observed her going into ‘professional’ mode: “Absolutely, Sir” she said nodding.

He nodded back and headed for the rest of the patrol with Fitz, leaving her and the other agents behind.

  


_And all these words you were meant to say_

_Held in silence day after day_

_Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave_

_Please don't keep them hidden away_

 

Coulson was roaming around his office, trying to memorize the steps he was going to take once May would have crossed the threshold to his office, hoping to whoever god was up there that this improvised plan of his would be a success.

She was never late, and 30 minutes after he told her he needed to talk to her, she knocked on his door.

“come on in” he said before raising the phone on his desk and call Billy at the front.

May got inside and waited.

“Koening, I don’t want to see or hear from anyone until further notice, I don’t care if the Apocalypse breaks loose, until I call you back, me and Agent May don’t exist. Okay?”

May frowned, worried, and waited silently.

“Good” Coulson said again before putting down the phone again.

“Please, sit” he told May with a smile motioning her to the couch.

“Is everything ok? Is the pattern giving you troubles?” she started searching on his face for any kind of clue about what would be possibly going on.

He smiled, she was so amazing, always putting him first.

“No, I’m fine… I keep seeing the patterns, but writing them down keeps them at bay. I’m not really going crazy yet” he said hoping to calm her down.

“What’s going on, then?” she asked, letting a bit of tension out, just a bit, because the whole ‘I don’t care if the Apocalypse breaks loose’ was worrisome for her.

“I wanted to talk to you, about something… personal” he started, slightly embarrassed “because...we still do personal, right?” he asked.

May nodded “Yes, we do.” she said without any uncertainty “Is it about Audrey?” she asked with an insinuating smile, that for a moment made him question this whole plan.

“No, it’s not about Audrey” he shook his head and smiled at her “it’s actually about something you said to me, a while ago...when… I thought you had betrayed me”

He saw May tense, and his doubts just became stronger and stronger.

Damn. I can’t go back now! - he thought, silence settling between them.

“What did I say?” she asked finally, after what it felt like an eternity and after she had taken a long breath.

He looked at her, right in the eyes “You said that you care about me a lot” Coulson had to restrain himself from taking her hand in his.

Melinda nodded: “I do” she confirmed “you know I do, what’s there to talk about?” she asked looking suddenly away.

“It felt…” he paused for a second “it felt meaningful” he added, still observing her. May was still not looking at him, and she stood up from the couch, to pace the room a bit.

“Meaningful?” she asked quietly with a dismissive laugh, and a slight shake of her head.

Coulson stood up, following her and stopping just right behind her. “Yes” he said raising his hand and sliding it down her arms, he felt her shiver a little bit and felt relieved, so there was really something between them.

“What do you want me to say, Phil?” she asked turning towards him, looking him in the eyes.

“I don’t know...was it meaningful?” he asked back, not leaving his hand from her elbow “or did I just...imagined it?” he added.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked “why now?”

So many questions, they were just throwing questions at each other, without giving answers.

“Because I need to know” he replied stepping in closer, he was expecting her to back off, but Melinda May never backed off. From anything.

“You don’t need to” she whispered “there’s no need to make this complicated, you have a lot to think about, leave my feelings to me” she tried to find an exit from that conversation, a way out.

Coulson was surprised, how could she not feel the pull between them? How could she not sense the way he was drawn to lean into her, completely?

He decided to make things clearer for her, he was after all the one with the ex-girlfriend ghost roaming over them. He knew her, she would have never even tried to do something that could mine his relationship with Audrey, or with anybody else. But there was no Audrey. There wasn’t anyone else. Only her.

“I need you to say it, Melinda” he told her putting his other hand on her waist, sliding on to her, until it settled on her back.

“I need to know you feel it, too” he whispered leaning his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

This was not only taking her in, it was also driving him crazy. He would have kissed her right there. The tension was too much to bear.

He felt Melinda hold her breath, and her hands raised to hold the jacket on his arms too.

They stood there for a while, holding to each other, forehead against forehead, and eyes closed.

It felt like the time had stopped running, the room around them spinning silently.

“I can’t” she said without moving “you know I can’t, Phil” she murmured “not after Bahrain. I’m broken. I can’t be with anyone, not anymore”

He just held her tightly. “That’s not stopping you from feeling, is it?. It’s not stopping us from feeling. We can do this together, I can heal you. I can free you. But you need to let me in, you need to believe in me. Please Melinda, please...say that to me” he pleaded.

  


_Sing it out so I can finally breathe in_

_I can take in all you say_

_Reaching out for someone I believe in_

_All I really need today_

_I want to feel your love_

_Will you reveal your love_

_Please don’t keep your love hidden away_

 

The silence between them was deafening, he couldn’t stand it anymore, but he was holding on to her, and she was holding on to him too.

It was more intimate than a hug, they were bearing their souls to each other. The grasp of her hands on his jacket was so strong it was almost preventing his blood to flow in his arms, but he didn’t care.

“Open your eyes” she said finally, her breath so close to his lips he could have easily just kissed her. He wanted to kiss her, but he had to wait. There were words to be said first.

He opened his eyes, and she was looking at him, desperate, confused and lost. A look he knew no living creature had ever had the privilege to see in her eyes. He was a lucky one.

“I love you” she said, without averting her gaze, his heart skipped, and he smiled.

“I love you too” he whispered before finally erasing the space between them and kissing her.

She let his arms go and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her whole body against him, and they got lost in the kiss, lost in each other, hearts racing against their chests.

Phil broke up the kiss, and looked at her with a smile while caressing her cheek. They were free now, free to love, free to feel. And everything was going to be all right.

Still smiling, he leaned in again, and kissed her again.

 

_I want to free your heart_

_I want to see your heart_

_Please don’t keep your heart hidden away_

 


End file.
